The Strasburg Hearsay News
~A slightly irreverent look at the town we all love~

The Strasburg Hearsay News

Volume 5, Issue 3 April, 2005

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SHN takes a look at the Strasburg Town Council Meeting 4-12-05

The Strasburg Town Council Meeting

The mayor made an interesting point at Tuesday night’s full- to- capacity town council meeting in Strasburg. Residents usually turn out in larger numbers when there’s something to get their dander up. This evening, it was the subject of land development deals, a topic that’s been on the minds of more than a few residents of this quickly expanding town. After emerging from a twenty minute closed session – time spent clarifying its differing positions on proffers - the Council was ready to resume the lively town meeting. “Some of you might think this is easy, to sit up here and make these decisions for the Town”, the Mayor started, “But if you think it’s easy, you’re mistaken. Heavily mistaken”. With that, the Council dug right in to the six land proposals on tonight’s agenda, starting with a 17 acre parcel out on route 55.

Indeed, Strasburg has been experiencing its full share of growth, at a rate which some might label a tad quick. Like many of the smaller towns around these parts, Strasburg is now being forced to deal with the issue of rapid expansion, as more and more citizens seek the simpler comforts of our natural beauty and small town atmosphere. I see it in the faces of our frequent out of town visitors. Let’s face it, Strasburg has a decidedly unhurried “good people” feel, and its appeal is instant and unmistaken.

One good thing about the Strasburg Town Council, they’re not afraid to make a mistake, or to be corrected if they do. Several of the Council members deferred to Town Attorney Doug Arthur’s legal expertise, or to others who might have more experience in one area or another. Whether it was on matters of town policy, proper procedure, or the hot button issue of proffers, (typically, a cash-per-unit agreement given by the developers to the town, state, or utility companies upon approval of said development, in order to sweeten the deal) most Council members were flexible enough to concede a differing point of view that made more sense. Several developers and contractors approached the microphone to have their say, and the floor was opened up for public comment on any and all of the plans listed on the agenda.

To the citizens gathered, this seemed like the time for some action, as the Council resumed it’s review of the properties, all of which had some plan or another for more townhouses, units, and the decidedly more acceptable “single family dwellings”. Citizens for Responsible Growth member Kim Bishop stepped up to articulate her feelings, not only on the 136 acre development being proposed at nearby Half Moon Beach, but matters of growth in general. She made it clear that she had no political axe to grind, but like many of the townsfolk, Mrs. Bishop suggested we slow things down. A quick look around at the nodding heads assured her that she was not alone.

To be sure, our area continues to be inundated with developments, as well as businesses and roads, and construction machinery and utilities and water demand and traffic lights to accommodate them. Students report seeing new kids in their class almost every week. Growth is coming, but at what rate should it be passed through? There are still some very real and serious problems with the new developments already in existence. Water pressure continues to be a big problem for some, agreed Councilman Carl Rinker, who went on to add that we still don’t have a confined, definite date of completion for the new water plant. This seemed of particular importance to Rinker, who underlined his feelings with a pointed statement to those assembled. “Not even a set of plans exists for this water treatment plant, and I feel that if we’re remiss in our duties, why they ought to hike us on out of here and vote us out”, stated the council’s longest standing member.

In the end, the Council agreed to table most proposals, to be discussed again at a later date, most likely next month. And perhaps, the month after that. Some issues, like low water pressure or someone requesting a sewer hook up on the outskirts of town, have been before the council more than a few times. To some, this may seem a bit frustrating, as the Council moved to table one issue after another, rather than vote on approval. They may have a lot on their plate, but it’s important to understand that not everything is going to get resolved in one night.

This isn’t so unusual for a town council who’s members also sit on the board of various other committees such as Utilities, Planning, Recreation, and Public Safety, not to mention the Beautification Committee and The Strasburg Chamber of Commerce. Mayor Chrisman at one point likened them to a close family, and as with any family, “you’re gonna have some disagreements.” The truth is, these people are trying. I believe that they truly care about the Town of Strasburg, and are doing their best to guide its future. That is not to say everyone agrees on where things are headed. But it’s good to know that you can still take an active part in your town’s future, to discuss issues of importance to you, and to be heard by your elected officials and townspeople alike.

Citizens interested in attending Town Council meetings are encouraged to do so. They meet the second Tuesday of each month, 7:30 pm, at the Strasburg Town Hall, located at 174 East King Street, downtown Strasburg. Check the web page at www.strasburgva.com or call the information hotline at 465-9197 for more information. Volunteers are still needed for the Beautification committee, as well as the upcoming Mayfest Celebration on May 20th through 22nd. Get involved - it’s the only way you can truly make a difference.

Joe Herbert

(For comments or questions about this article, send your email to mail@joeherbert.com)

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4-17-05 State of the World Address

SHN Weighs in on "The Ugly American" image.

I don't understand why we have to be such assholes to the rest of the world. Like we don't even want to include them in our superior universe. We act like we're not a part of the world, and that everything evolves around us. Like we're so much better than everybody else because we have all the money. That's the way we present ourselves to the rest of the planet these days. And it doesn't even occur to most Americans that we look like a bunch of fat, lazy arrogant, obnoxious and clueless imbeciles, because so many of us are. So few Americans know anything about other cultures, religions, languages and customs, and even fewer profess a desire to even WANT to learn about it. They're just so.. un-curious -it drives me nuts.

And I think this kind of mental conditioning is reflected in the leaders we choose. There are so few individuals today whom I would consider worth following, or who truly inspire and lead by example. From the world of politics, to sports, entertainers, religious leaders.. it's all the same level of mediocrity, with a bunch of tricky lights flashing to distract us from what's really going on. It seems like everyone's just trying to get ahead, and those that do are adored and exhalted in the media, and by extention, in our every day lives. Ever since Cassius Clay/ Muhammed Ali got on television to boast of how 'great' he was, the nation seems to have been mesmerized - caught up in a school yard game of one upsmanship. Nyah nyah na nyah na! Look at me.. i'm bigger, faster, richer, better looking and meaner than you. The sore winner. We Americans seem to have lowered the bar of acceptability to the point where all we've got are a bunch of braggards proclaiming how THEY're the greatest, as we search desperately for the next new thing.

To me, GWBush seems to personify this 'ugly american' that we've been hearing more and more about. so long as he "says" he's resolute or 'means what he says', it just doesn't matter what he actually DOES to us. people continue to support him, no matter what evidence they're presented with, always willing to look the other way. take this war with Iraq. I mean, are you kidding me? How much more transparent does it need to get before people start to actually complain about it? they should be howling in the press and network media. Instead, we get formerly respected news agencies falling all over themselves to catch FOX in the all important ratings race. hello?? news on tv isn't supposed to be there only to 'get ratings'! just report the shit because we need to hear it. We're supposed to be the best nation on earth for 'freedom of the press'. Now do you're fucking jobs, and get out there and report on what's really going on, instead of all this crap about michael jackson. I demand that you question this president harder!! Hold him accountable for god's sake. He's started a war to make his buddies filthy rich, and we look the other way. when clinton was getting that blowjob, you guys wanted to know every single fucking minute detail, and had no problem reporting it on national news outlets for all our kids to see. now, a guy sends us off to an unneccessary war, in the middle of a tanking economy, and we've got people DYING every day over there, and nobody wants to press the guys responsible. even when shit is revealed, like the halliburton/ KBRoot scandal, or the no weapons found, or the lucrative saudi/ bush family connections, or the purposely neglectful misuse of the environment, you know.. shit that's actually IMPORTANT - you're nowhere to be found.

As I said, I believe we get this attitude from our current leaders. Outside a very few exceptions, they act like little kids in congress and the senate. always bending the rules, splitting hairs, stacking the deck, crying when they get caught, blaming everyone else, and pretty much behaving like a bunch of total babies. and it starts at the top. Bush is the worst, by mere reason of his character, or lack thereof. His was the battle cry, "You're either with us, (the right wing, xenophobic, lunatic fringe) or you're against us -us being what I always figured were the sensible people -you know- normal America. And that statement seems to pretty much say it all about the ugly american's attitude towards the rest of the world. or at least the attitude that we present to the world via our so called leaders. See, George and his cohorts don't think we should give a damn about the rest of the world. Fuck 'em. We'll do it alone. We have all the money. We got all the power. We make all the decisions, and if anybody disagrees, even if they're right, we got the numbers to shout them down and do it our way. Fuck disagreements. No arguing with us, because we've got power. Force. And this guy Bush has always been the smug, arrogant, cocky, spoiled rich kid who'd remind you that he can get away with it, cause of who his dad was. Remember Pee-Wee Herman's obnoxious neighbor, "Francis Buxton"? That's George, from many accounts of those who knew him.

Now let's cover the reasons stated for going to war with Iraq. First, it was the danger that Iraq, who'd been totally neutered during the first "gulf war", and continually bombed throughout the clinton administration, and kept within the confines of a 'no strike zone' for the past 12 years, was suddenly in a unique position to take over our entire way of life. the fact that so many americans believed that sadaam was resonsible for 911 was further proof of how easily we're distracted from the truth. see, the reason these people bombed us, we were told to believe, is because they "hate freedom", and just wanted to bring us down because they're jelous. i heard it. i watched bush tell that to the assembled masses. the worst thing about it is, people swallowed it. ok, are you a child? what kind of person believes such a silly explanation? you've got to be so self-delusional that you just want to believe this. it's easier than actually thinking. thinking about our foreign policy meddlings of the past several decades, and how it's all coming back to haunt us in a way that could so easily have been (and was by some) predicted. If one were to spend any time researching our political and financial shenanigans in places such as Iran, Iraq, Saudi Arabia, and now, the central Asian regions, (due to its newly discovered importance in oil reserves), they'd surely come to realize this 'blowback' is not due to a certain small cardre's hatred of us "because of our freedom". Please.

So we went over there to 'get them before they get us'. ok. well, we didn't find the weapons. and that 'poison gas' that bush, cheney and rumsfeld kept going on about -was actually sold to sadaam, by the pre-clinton republican administration, to use against iran and the northern kurdish people, who at the time, he considered his enemy. rumsfeld, who'd denied ever having met sadaam, seemed rather uncomfortable when shown the actual photos of the two of them posing together. But hey - we're gonna make the world safer. We're gonna spread our brand of 'democracy' over to the Arab world, even if it means giving it up right here at home. We watch absent mindedly from the sidelines while these ideological nut case lawmakers continue to run roughshod over our own civil liberties. We allow our government to hold thousands of people against their will for over a year, without so much as listing a charge against them. We break our own agreed upon rules of the Geneva Convention, allowing and even condoning the use of torture, as our public leaders scoff and downplay its use. Elected representatives continually suggest tampering with the constitution, or disregard it wholely whenever it suits them. There is no accountability, because nobody cares. Or at least, not enough people give a shit.

We watch them build new schools and fire companies over in Iraq, while our own schools and fire companies go down the tubes in disrepair and neglect. Our health care system lags far behind that of our modern neighbors. Crime is rampant here in America. For all our lecturing to other countries, we continue to bring up the rear in education for developed countries. Our US tax dollars go to fund this massively expensive war in Iraq, spending untold billions to first bomb and destroy it, then to 'protect and rebuild' it, then to make attempts to maintain it, all the while hoping that they'll some how come around and say 'thank you' for destroying their country and way of life. By all accounts, the region has gotten even more 'resolute' in its hatred towards America, and is more 'resolute' than ever in its desire to make us pay. Why the hell did we go in there in the first place? If they were so sick of the way things were in Iraq, they shoulda overthrown that nut case sadaam on their own. I didn't hear them asking us to come in and blow everything up, in order to 'free the Iraqi people'. Such bullshit. Anyone who believes we went into Iraq to "free the Iraqi people" is just plain dumb.

so who's the real threat, anyway?
We currently possess about a 1000 times the amount of nuclear weaponry as our nearest competitor, we call ourselves the 'world's greatest superpower', yet we're constantly calling everyone else "a clear and present danger". Um..did you know who the "rest" of the world recently voted as 'biggest threat to the world's safety'? Yep. It was us. The good old benevolent U.S. of A.

But I just don't understand why we have to act this way. Why do we continue to allow this ugly american image to be presented to the world? do we really think we're so much better than everybody, that we don't even have to consider our place in the world? It's like we're following the Israeli example of 'crush them and they'll change their way of thinking and get along with us'. see, it don't work that way. you aren't going to change their behavior until you change their beliefs. keep any people down like that, they're only going to get more and more resentful, and they're always going to want to strike out in any way they can. imagine if some other country, or group of countries decided that, in the interest of peace and safety in the world, they have determined that the USA represents a 'clear and present danger' and that began making preparations to invade and conquer us. After much public deliberation, being broadcast almost continuously on all the major 'news' organization, they in fact go forward with this plan to 'protect' the rest of the world from our percieved tyranny.

And imagine that some key cities are in fact bombed and destroyed, sending our leaders into exhile and our country into chaos. that this group of 'peace lovers' in effect, took over america. and then, after a few weeks of constant searching, they found and 'removed' our current president in order to 'free the american people'. so now we have a new power in control of america's finances, it's business dealings, it's natural resources, it's media, both print and video, as well as it's central government. just let that sink in for a moment...

now. don't you think at least some of us.. yeah ok, lots of us.. would be out there just yelling and screaming and raising hell over this bullshit? i mean, i don't wanna go out like that. why take it lying down? i'd be looking for like minded individuals who were interested in taking our country back. i'd be out there every day, instigating any way i knew how, if i felt so put down and suppressed and looked down upon and arbitrarily searched and sent through check points on my way to and from work on a daily basis. someone should tell israel that they need to start acting more like america. and that america should start behaving less like israel. america needs to start behaving like we know it could and should. we need to set a goood example for the rest of the world. i want this country to make me proud again, not embarrassed. remember, just because you're stronger, doesn't mean you have a license to walk around acting like a flaming asshole.

In summary, I believe that we are clearly headed in the wrong direction with regard to our attitude, behavior and treatment towards the rest of the planet. We're all in this together, and we need to stop being such arrogant, loud mouthed bullies. We're causing untold damage to ourselves for generations to come. By continuing to allow this kind of behavior in our leaders, we're sending the world the message that they've got our tacit approval. We exist in a world community now, whether we want to admit it or not. Today's co-workers may just as likely be from India as from Indiana. The playing field will be find itself being even more level in the very near furture, and we as Americans owe it to ourselves and our country to embrace these cultures, or they will surely pass us by. I for one do not want to live in such an insulated, xenophobic and hostile environment. I think we need the rest of the world, in order to keep ourselves all in check. Sure, the rich guy can get along without friends, but is he really happy?

Comments, questions, blah blah blah... mail@joeherbert.com

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Hey... here's a look at some past issues!

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From Volume I, Issue I
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Today's Big Feature:

FLAGS

SHN takes a look at the Confederate flag and what all that flap is about.

Flags sure do bring out the patriot in people, don't they? Ever since those nut cases from Saudi Arabia (no, not Afghanistan, not Iraq, not France) flew those planes into our buildings on September 11, 2001, there’s been a real show of patriotism, and nowhere has it been demonstrated more than in public displays of the American Flag. I see them flying and flapping from front porches, flag poles and pick up trucks all over the nation's superhighways every day. Now, more than ever before, people are willing to dispense with normally accepted fashion sense and drape that baby all over themselves, their vehicles, and presumably any other surface that’s not already displaying old glory. But I think it’s safe to say that the patriotism thing has gone a bit too far lately. Even three years after 9-11, you can still get into a fistfight just for voicing your opposition to our current moron -in -chief, and some folks down the road just had their house vandalized for disagreeing with a right wing political position.

But these attacks on people who disagree with the present administration of distortion and fear are admittedly a small minority of incidents. Thankfully, it’s looking like people can again safely engage in a civil discourse over the direction of our country and it’s current leadership. Diss’ the good ol’ American Flag though, and you’ll most likely find yourself spittin’ up a few teeth, presuming you still got any left. The flag seems to represent that very essence of our Americanism, and hey, I’m all for a little patriotism. I just never saw a need to be driving down the highway with two 6 foot flags flapping madly in the wind, tattering to shreds the very symbol of our national pride and heritage. I mean, maybe I’m just a little out of touch with today’s pack of lemmings, but I think this type of display is just a tad over the top.

Flags have such a heavy connotation. They say a lot about their people. Look at the Nazi flag and its angry looking swastika. It gets right to the point. “We stand for hate. We break things and make them bend to our will” seems to be the message those guys are sending. What about those Russian flags? What's with the hammer and sickle? I mean, I don't get it. Are they trying to say that they’ll pound us into submission with that hammer, or cut our heads off with the sickle or something? Then you got the old Buccaneer’s or ‘Pirate’ flag, surely an all time favorite, despite what it obviously represented. I mean, a big white skull and crossbones on a black background is not exactly the picture of subtelty. In fact, it doesn’t get any more direct than that. It’s like, here we are -this is our thing, and this is what we’ll do to you if we catch you. So if you see us coming, you better just head in the other direction.

Old Glory, as it appears today. (attached photo)

Then there's our flag. Big, bold shiny red and white stripes like a giant barber’s pole, with its bright white stars against a navy background. You can’t miss it. It jumps right out and grabs your attention. One would be hard pressed to find someone even in the most remote country who doesn’t recognize the flag of the United States of America. Lately, however, it seems as though this flag has become a bit of a polarizing figure, representing to some of us all that’s good and righteous, yet to many countries of the world, representing oppressive military might, political arrogance, a bumbling foreign policy bent on complete global domination. I’m sure that the folks in Afghanistan, Iraq, and much of the Middle East now feel kind of like the original Native Americans, when the Europeans first took over this land that we now call “our” country. Game Plan: Force them into submission, take all of their natural resources, (gold, money, oil), make them bend to your will, thrust your own religion upon them, (no matter that they already believed in their own form of religion or God), and make them accept us as their supreme rulers. This all the while insisting that we’re doing it for their own good, to save their souls, or to liberate them from their current oppressive leaders.

The plan seems to be pretty much the same today. We tell them how to live their lives, who to elect as leaders, and most importantly, who to pay (friends of George) for this new found “freedom”, all in our efforts to get the rest of the world to be “just like us”. But I digress.

Since moving to Strasburg, I noticed that a lot of people like to fly the Confederate or "Rebel" flag around here. It’s on their back bumpers, on the back window of the pickup truck, and yes, flying proud from the front porches and stoops all over the place. Plus, they're always talking about it in the papers. Georgia held a special vote where they could choose a new ‘more acceptable’ state flag. South Carolina got into trouble for flying it from the top of their State Capitol. Howard Dean even got into hot water for his comments about those “Southern Whites with rebel flags and gun racks in their pick up trucks”. With all this talk about flags, I decided to go check things out, and see what the people on the street think about all this.

I spoke with folks from both sides of the aisle, both native born southerners, as well as folks from up north. It seemed to break down into several distinct groups of people, all of whom offered up their opinions about the “rebel flag”. Basically, on each side, you got two camps: We’ll start with those who oppose the flag being displayed publicly. Within this group, there are two distinct sub-sects of the 'flag opposition party'.

1. The first group consists of people who simply think the rebel flag is for redneck assholes who can't accept the fact they lost the civil war. They're really quite dismissive of the rebs, and basically look down on them as being stupid, narrow minded and uninformed. They pretty much think that these rebel flag wavers are just a big joke, and they're all into drinking cheap beer, watching Nascar races, and having sex with close relatives.

This is what the confederate flag would look like, if some of my northern friends had their way.

2. The second group who oppose the confederate flag are made up of those folks who are just so ultra -sensitive, so horribly shaken should even a bad word intrude on their perfect little day, that they'd just be crushed to even see it displayed in a museum, let alone out in public. They feel that this big bad threatening menace rebel flag is somehow going to harm them in some way. To these folks, seeing that rebel flag displayed in public is even worse than hearing the 'N' word! In other words, they’re politically correct to the point of being annoying, and don’t want to hear any bad things to intrude on their perfect little world.

Next, we got those who are all for the flag:

Again, they seem to break down into two distinct camps:

1. The first group consists of what we call the “Southern Traditionalists”, whose only intent is to preserve their common "Southern Heritage". These people seem reasonably bright, if a bit stuck up in their attitude. Trent Lott is a good example of the “Southern Traditionalist”. Despite being completely out of touch with the feelings and lives of people different from themselves, (Blacks, Jews, Hispanics, Gays) the traditionalists really can't understand what all that fuss is about. They seem to be rather skeptical about the motivations of the opposition, and pretty clueless in general. How else can you explain their continued support of George W. Bush?

Confederate Navy Jack: Used as a navy jack at sea from 1863 onward, this flag has become the generally recognized symbol of the South. It still flies over the South Carolina capitol building. Many believe that the South’s seccesion from the United States was not about slavery, but rather, from a Southerner's view, the Civil War had to do with the individual state's rights.

2. Next up, you got your Budweiser drinkin' redneck yahoos who feel very threatened by, and therefore hate, all Commies, (communists) Niggers, (black folks) Queers, (homosexuals) Spics (anyone of hispanic or latino descent) and Jews (christ killing devils, out to control the world). Of course, there are many more on their hate list, but I can’t remember them all right now. They say they hate them because those are the people who are involved in a big conspiracy (run by the jews of course) to take their jobs, steal their guns from the back of the pickups, and knock up their daughters. The redneck flag flyers are typically thick headed, not very educated, and just love to show you how ignorant and belligerent they can be. No, really. Ignorance is a source of pride to these people. They’ll go out of their way to show that they really don't give a damn what you think. They’re also very opposed to learning anything, for fear that it’ll contradict their current beliefs, and due to their stubbornness, it’s almost impossible to teach them anything new.

The Confederate Battle Flag. The best-known Confederate flag, the familiar "Southern Cross". It was carried by Confederate troops in the field which were the vast majority of forces under the confederacy. The Stars represented the 11 states actually in the Confederacy plus Kentucky and Missouri.

‘Wally’ hosts a weekly TV-show for the Klan, while his friend Jeffery is in prison.

We'll put a few questions to each side and compare notes.

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(photo of confederate flag.)

(photo of that house behind bad water bill's)

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Interviews:

“Dave” -from Pennsylvania:

SHN: What do you think of the folks who fly the rebel flag down here?

Hmm.. I think they’re pretty much a bunch of rednecks. They don’t want to admit they lost the (Civil) war. I will say this though; it’s a pretty cool design.

SHN: You like the design?

Yeah. (pause) It’s pretty cool. I’m saying I like the design though. I don’t like what it stands for.

SHN: And what’s that?

It stands for prejudice. Racism. Like I said, they don’t want to move on. There’s a lot of them (flags) around here though. It’s weird to see that. It’s kind of funny.

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“Eric” -from Northern VA:

SHN: You’re from Virginia, right? Where did you grow up?

I grew up here in Alexandria and Fairfax.

SHN: What do you think of the Confederate Flag, and the people who display it?

(Cautiously) I’d say they’re rebellious. Or racist. I think it’s stupid. Rebels and/or racists! (laughs)

(Eric’s girlfriend “Helen” -also from NVA)

It’s over. It’s history. We have to accept the outcome. They need to move on.

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“Richard”- Jewish guy from Norfolk, now lives in California

SHN: Hey, you're from down south. What do you make of the so called “rebel” flag of the Civil War?

They're a bunch of damn fools down there, Mmm hmm. I'm glad I got the hell away from Norfolk. I shouldn't say everybody's a fool, but damn near all of 'em.

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Sandy: Asian American lives in Fairfax

What’s the first thing you think of when you see the Rebel flag on a bumper sticker or flying from someone’s flagpole?

Redneck.

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“Eric”- Black/ White mixed race

SHN: What do you think of the confederate flag, and the people who display it?

They’re stupid. I ain’t with it. Most of the people I see with it are retarded. I don’t know what else to say, you know?

SHN: Well, do you sometimes get offended when you see it, or just dismiss them?

If I see someone at work wearing a shirt with it on there, makes me think twice about it.

SHN: What do you think about them?

That they have racist tendencies. Or they’re insecure. I don’t think that flag has anything to do with being a rebel. It’s more to do with them thinkin’ they’re a bad ass, or a tough guy. That, or they’re just fucking stupid.

Like, at work, this guy wore a shirt like that, and one guy freaked out and was all offended. So later, the (rebel flag) guy came up and said, “It’s just about 13 states that wanted their freedom.” I didn’t buy any of that shit.

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“Brian” – Black American

Grew up outside Seattle, WA. Now lives in Woodbridge, VA.

SHN: Brian, you see how a lot of these folks down here like to fly the Confederate flag. What do you think about all that?

Well, there’s a whole lot to say about that. Me personally, it don’t bother me. It’s more about the reason behind it. Like you see these shirts now that say “Heritage, not hate.” Have you seen those? Well I say, if that heritage was based on hate, isn’t that the same thing?

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“Ricky” -Strasburg native

What do you think about people who fly the rebel flag?

Doesn’t bother me. Let ‘em fly the fucker.

What about the people who are all up in arms about it?

They’re gettin’ upset over nothin’. Anybody gets that upset over a flag is an aaysshole.

SHN: There seem to be two camps or schools of thought. The one side is a bunch of yahoos who like gettin’ drunk and raisin’ hell. So what about the guys who are like, waay into it?

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“Mandy”- Ricky’s girlfriend from West Virginia

I think they’re a bunch of assholes!

Ricky: “How come?”

Mandy: “Because, it’s what it stands for that bothers me.”

SHN: “What does it stand for?”

Mandy: “It stands for racism, bigotry and hatred towards black people. And anybody that’s different from them.”

Ricky: “That’s just some of them. Not every one of ‘em!”

Mandy: “Yes it is. Every one of the people I’ve met who wear that thing have been assholes! (laughs) Every one!”

SHN: So what do you really think about people up North?

Ricky: “Just as many hillbillies up there as there are down here.”

SNH: What do you think they think of you?

R: “They think we’re stupid cuz we talk slower’n them.”

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So there you have it folks. I’m sure we didn’t come close to solving this issue centering on the flag, but it sure gets you to thinkin’ don’t it? Maybe if we try to understand it from a different perspective, it’ll shine a little more light on all of us. If folks are that gung ho about their old rebel flag and want to fly it out in their yard, more power to them. I got no problem seeing them on bumper stickers either; since they obviously feel the need to show everyone what a ‘rebel’ they are. But come on guys; let’s keep it off the state freakin’ capitol building, ok? I mean, you know it’s rubbing them the wrong way, and there’s really no need to have it up there side by side with old glory. Yes, the south lost the civil war. And yes, there’s probably more than a few folks down here that don’t like the outcome. But it’s over, and we need to move on. I don’t see anyone fighting to fly the original 13 colonies flag, and that one was arguably just as cool. The point is, we’ve got a flag. You know it- it’s the one with the 13 stripes and 50 stars on it. It’s called the American Flag. You can still fly your rebel flag, you can fly the flag of your home country, your pirate’s buccaneer flag, or even your stupid little Nazi flag, so long as it’s on your own pole at home, and not flapping on top of some state capitol building for all to see.



The Strasburg Hearsay News

Volume II, Issue I

Nutcases. Yep, every town's got one.

How come every year, in just about every town, we've got that lady who feels it's her responsibility to set up the Manger, the statues of Baby Jesus, Mother Mary and Joseph, the big giant star of David, the sheep, the cows, the hay, the horses and the donkeys all on the PUBLIC COURTHOUSE STEPS??

They got one in every town I think. Fairfax, VA has a lady who sets up her ‘vigil’ every Christmas season, right there in front of the Fairfax County Government Center -where everybody is sure to walk. Or the lady out in Front Royal who inexplicably won a recent court case allowing her to continue her bizzare set up on the very public property of the Public Court House. The town council justified its finding when they determined that ‘since almost nobody has a problem with it’, she should be allowed to continue. And what’s her motivation anyway? I’m sure she’s a nice enough old lady, who only wants to share her love of Christmas with everybody in the world. But she’s like the overzealous neighborhood eccentric who wants to force her ideas of celebrating holidays on everybody, no matter what degree they want. The last time I checked, we still had the separation of Church and State, and it’s been working pretty darn well for over 225 years now, John Ashcroft notwithstanding.

But just for a moment, can we try and put ourselves in the non Christians’ shoes? I know this may come as a surprise to these two ladies, but not everyone in America is a Christian, and even some of us who are don’t want to see all that stuff displayed on public property. Why? Because not only is this exlusionary and wrong, but this opens it up to everybody else getting in on the act, and forcing their particular beliefs on the masses.

Picture it; a virtual religious carnival taking place outside every federal, state, county and city building, all trying to remind you of their particular belief, lest we should forget for a moment who they are and what they stand for. Again, there was a reason for separating these two. Keep your religion to yourself, and vote for your personal brand of politics. The temptation of one religious group or another to engage in undo influence is another reason the forefathers were on the money with this one. They knew if one group got too much power through religion, it would swiftly overtake and influence all laws, making them lean toward their particular point of view.

What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. If you allow this one nut case to put up all her personal knick knacks, wall hangings, lights, stuffed animals, manger, statues and displays every time she gets in the spirit of her holiday, soon we’d be looking at the Arabs putting down their prayer mats during Rhamadan. Or the Jews setting up the mannorah during Hannukah and lighting candles during passover. It’d be like having to skip around a pack of krishnas at the airport every time you want to go pay your utility bill. And why don’t we have a big celebration out front during Rhamadan? Or a large contingency of black folks who want to 'get in touch with their African heritage' all huddled around singing songs of Kwanza? How do you think the Front Royal Town Council would respond to this? And what about that old bat who insists that she needs to put up her display- do you think she’d like any of this? That she’d be totally open to public property used to showcase these other groups’ displays during their chosen holidays? Shall we erect a miniature ‘wailing wall’ for the Jewish men as they continuously chant prayers in Hebrew, rocking back and forth in that manner she finds so odd? How about a big fat statue of the Buddha, where our Chinese bretheren can burn paper money, dress up as dragons and offer gifts as Grandma Screwball and the rest of us look on cluelessly.

The folks who guaranteed the separation of church and state knew what they were doing when they wrote the constitution. You’re totally free to worship as you please. Do it at home, at your place of worship, or rent a big ass building for those extra special get togethers. But don’t try to force your religion down the throats of ‘everybody’, just because you’re so convinced you’re right. There are lots of different people in the world, and they’re moving in right next door to you. The world is changing, offering new and unique opportunities and challenges which we would do well to take on. If you aren’t able to adapt now, it’s gonna get a lot tougher down the road. In the meantime, keep your Christmas displays at home. You want to wish everybody a Merry Christmas, then stand outside your driveway in the cold and do that. Just don’t let me hear you squawking when they try to tell you all about the merits of Krishna and Buddha and Mohammed and every other religious dogma, kharma and belief they can think of. Bottom line, there’s a whole lot more people in the world who are different than you. And guess what- they live here in America now, just like you. So before you load up all the statues and the manger and the hay bales and the donkeys and the Baby Jesus and the three wise men, you better think about what it could look like down in front of City Hall in a few short years, should we all decide that we want to force our own holiday joy down your throat.





Fun Feature: You can't judge a book by its cover. Wanna bet? Strasburg Hearsay News heads over to the local library to do just that.

Ever since I was young, I’ve been fascinated with books. In our attic, we had huge boxes just stuffed full of them, arranged in no particular order or category. The sheer number of volumes in our attic collection alone all but guaranteed that you’d never get around to reading them all. And so, judging a book by its cover seemed to be the only method by which you’d get any reading done. In the end, there’s nothing like a good cover to grab your interest. (How do you think all those stupid “Fabio” novels got sold?) I even learned about sex through reading some of those paper backs. But reading about all that intricate detail at such a young age, I think it skewed my take on sex for quite some time. I was already 25 years old before I realized that not everybody engaged in wife swapping, and not all girls were totally hot, nymphomaniac sluts who enjoyed a little lesbianism on the side. Ok, some of them, but not all of them.

One of the things we love about our small town is the local library. Is it because they just spent about $100,000.00 on a new paint job and interior renovations? Nope. Is it because they’re now handicap accessible and provide ample parking out back? Naw. Perhaps it has to do with the fact that the Strasburg Public Library has purchased over 200 new books in the past three months alone. Nice, but that’s not it either. Sure, these are all wonderful reasons to visit the library, but for us, it’s never been about all those fancy schmancy things. No, we love our local library because they still have one of those old, beat up book shelves right out on the front porch, where you can buy paperbacks and hard covers, all for under a buck! And here’s the coolest part: you don’t even actually have to pay for them! See, it’s set up on the ‘honor system’, so if you like a book, you can take it off the shelf, browse through it while sitting on the old fashioned front porch swing, and if you want, toss a quarter (or .50 cents) in the little coin box and that’s it- the book is yours! Having said that, I think it’s imperative that you do pony up the measly 25 cent asking price, in order to keep your karma in check. No dealing with ancient, out of touch librarians shushing you, no worrying if Mrs. Stewart the holier- than -thou morality policewoman is looking over your shoulder to see if there’s an immoral leaning to the title. And dig this: the front porch is “open”, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year! There could be a nuclear holocaust happening, but if you feel like checking out a cheap book about horses, a romance novel by Jacqueline Suzanne, or an old issue of People Magazine, well, nukes be damned, there’s absolutely nothing that’s gonna get in the way to stop you.

Of course, they’re not gonna put all the latest bestsellers like “Lies, and the Lying Liars who Tell Them”, by Al Franken out front, or even some of the better known literary classics like “Sometimes A Great Notion”, by Ken Kesey, or “The Courage to Be Rich” by Suze Orman. But c’mon. With a little luck and perseverance, you can occasionally find a real gem amongst all that coal. Especially if your only criteria for selecting a good book is taking one glance at the cover.

So anyway, Strasburg Hearsay News gathered up the gang of literary critics and headed over to the Library to check out some covers to judge.

Here's one: "Smart Women", by Judy Bloom
Sarah: Oh, this one looks good!
Me: "Lemme see.. naw.. that looks stupid- isn't she a "girls" book writer? Let's read a page from the middle and see what it says.."


Sarah: "I can't believe how long this is.. wait, it's like, only 300 pages, but it looks like 700."
From Volume II, Issue 3

Special Feature:
CLONING: Alive and well and coming to a town near you!

So now there’s Cloning. It happened you know. This year, scientists in South Korea came out with the announcement that they’d successfully cloned a human embryo from the cells of a woman. It was kind of difficult to follow the procedure exactly, but I do know that you don’t need a father to have children anymore. The Koreans were fortunate, an American geneticist said, to have at their disposal over 250 eggs with which to experiment. (The typical cloning research lab here in the United States would be lucky to have 4 or 5 eggs.) Due to our Government’s current ban on the reproductive cloning of humans, it’s little wonder other countries such as South Korea are running ahead of us. And it’s not about to slow down either. So who’s gonna get “fully cloned” first you might ask?

Well, if we follow tradition, we won’t let the Koreans get too far ahead of us, current laws notwithstanding. Scientists in the United States like to stay ahead of the fray, no matter what the area of interest, and I seriously doubt that research in cloning will be an exception. But the issue is a bit more complex than just making humans from the existing cells of one parent. Proponents of cloning reason that the uses for cloning are many, and the benefits are only now being fully realized. Many of the scientists who work in the field of genetics are simply following past researchers in their quest to find cures to our many current diseases. And who would stop them in this search? If stem cells are created and duplicated (cloned) in a laboratory for the express and sole purpose of assisting with this research, many people would be hard pressed to see a down side to this. However, the issue of cloning for human reproduction takes the matter down a more slippery slope.

Years ago, I saw a documentary about a group called the “Raelians” who, despite having a really odd looking leader “Rael”, seemed to be pretty convinced that cloning was going to be the next big thing. Now this was at a time when bio genetic research was nowhere close to where it’s at today. This was well before “Dolly” the sheep had been successfully cloned, much to the amazement of the world. The Raelians at this time seemed to represent the cutting edge of cloning for reproductive use.

Their website “Clonaid” explained that - for a substantial fee - they would keep your cells stored in a sort of “hibernation”, to be used later should you or a loved one experience disease, organ malfunction or even death. The possibilities seemed endless. Homosexual couples could now produce offspring taken from the cells of one or either of the parents. A child who was involved in an accidental death could be “replaced”, using its carefully stored cells, courtesy the Raelian research scientists. Even favorite pets could now live on and on, through the advancement of science and the wonders of “Clonaid”. I recall the fee being around $50,000 for basic storage, but I’m sure it’s gone up considerably, now with the latest advancements in science and technology underway.

All this gives us pause to think about the implications. Imagine today that the Koreans get a big head start on human reproductive cloning. What exactly would they do with this technology? Well, they could simply use it to further their medical advances and help make the world much healthier, through bio genetic research. Or, they could kick things into high gear and start cloning human beings in large numbers, a veritable “cloning factory” if you will, all based on one particular model–a scenario all too familiar to science fiction buffs, and to the many vocal opponents of human cloning today.

In either case, I don’t imagine that the United States would sit back and watch from the sidelines as reproductive cloning research continues in other countries uninterrupted. We would simply have to get involved, not so much because we want to, but because we don’t like the alternative: being left out. Like the former rivalry between the USSR and America in their race to put a man on the moon, I don’t believe we’d allow the development of human reproductive cloning to go on while we simply continue to debate the issue in Congress.

But we’ve already reached the point where it’s become inevitable. Cloning is here, and whether you like it or not, most Americans agree that it’s only a matter of time until we begin producing cloned human beings. Indeed, many believe that it’s already been done.

Which brings us to one very important point: when these newly cloned humans are developed, what do we do with them? Do they have basic human rights? Do we treat them as equals, deserving of all privileges and opportunities that our present society enjoys? Or do we simply use these clones to our medical, military, or economic advantage, without regard to their feelings, rights, citizenship, or even possession of a “soul”.

This opens up a great deal of discussion, doesn’t it? For instance, where do you stand on human cloning, or more importantly, clones themselves? Are they full blooded people, even though they’ve been developed using very non traditional methods? (In this case, unlike invitro fertilization, the cells of only one person is required; and the sperm and egg never come into contact with one another.) Indeed, are they “human”? Well, the answer obviously is, yes.

But now suppose that one of our modern day “mad scientists” decides to create a veritable army of cloned humans, using the exhumed cells of say, Joseph Stalin, Napoleon, George W. Bush or the Dell Computer Guy. And not only clones themselves, but extra clones of those clones. And if not the fully developed human bodies, perhaps a gigantic warehouse full of separate, cloned body parts kept alive in large factories to be used as needed. Far fetched? We’ve been using cloning to create lungs, kidneys and other vital human organs for years. Geneticists have already cloned not only fully developed sheep, but also cats, mice, rats, cattle, and now this week, mules.

In fact, scientists have successfully grown actual human body parts such as a man’s ear, utilizing ordinary laboratory rats as the ‘host’ body. Why should the fact that they’ve managed to develop ‘host bodies’ complete with working organs, skin, muscle, bone, tissue, even brains, make such a difference? After all, the body parts certainly have no soul. No rights. No real equality. Why should the clone itself, created in much the same way, enjoy those same rights? Or so goes the argument.

Cloning certainly gives us much to think about. Putting our heads in the sand and pretending it doesn’t exist, or passing laws to outlaw its research will prove to be fruitless, as more and more countries support its development for their own particular reasons. In the end, we seem to be left with two choices: non reproductive cloning for use in medical research, which will undoubtedly continue to lead to many scientific and medical breakthroughs, or full human reproductive cloning, which can lead to any number of scenarios as described above. In either case, a decision will have to be made. Which side are you on?

Feature:

At large in Strasburg:

Photo series on Strasburg's more colorful locals.

1. That strange couple that walks up and down the streets of Strasburg. he's got a thick, black beard, she appears to be a bit older, always walking with him. where are they going? who are they? the hearsay news gets the dirt.

SPECIAL REPORT:

Wouldja lookit all them thar sex offenders!

Strasburg has more than their share of sex offenders. But is it an epidemic worth getting riled up about? The Hearsay News Special Report.

My sister called me up all frantic. Seems she was on the Internet again, and this time, for whatever reason, she was looking up sex offenders. “Pennsylvania don't have dem registered”, she said, “but den, just outta curiosity, i checked on 'Strasburg, Virginia'. And I counin't sleep I been thinkin' about it all night, and so I had ta call yuz.

Ok, long story short, we got plenty of what the legal system refers to as “sex offenders” right here in the Strasburg area. There are over 20 right here in town as a matter of fact. And the website that my sister directed me to posts not only their names and faces, but their criminal history and current addresses too. “What the hell’s going on around here?”, I thought. “Did we accidentally move into the sex offenders capital of the universe? Some of these guys live only two streets away!”

"Make sure you lock all dem doors", she said cryptically, before hanging up. (accompanying photo of a typical strasburg sex offender)

Now, the first thing we think when we hear the term “sex offender” is what? Some creepy, hollow eyed loser trolling the schoolyards for youngsters between 5 and 11 years old in order to lure them into his sick perverted fantasy land. While this may be the case for some sex offenders, it’s not entirely true of the overwhelming majority of them. When researching this article, I realized that there were clear differences between sex offenders and pedophiles. While both are of course, total scumbags, the sex offender doesn't care who he's attacking, raping, molesting, or otherwise inappropriately touching. Most of these slack jawed losers are in trouble with the law for a variety of other crimes; attacking their girlfriends or other innocent citizens being just one of them. Pedophiles on the other hand are a much more selective breed. They are creatures of habit, and tend to target the same age or type of child every time. Most pedophiles have been making a habit of this behavior for years, and by the time they're caught or turned in, they’ve already gotten away with molesting kids for a much longer time than we realize. Because these guys target children and use stalking techniques to find their prey, we can learn to watch for the signs of a pedophile.

Unlike the typical sex offender, who will take advantage of a situation as it arises, the pedophile puts in much more time and forethought into his acts. He may wait for months, befriending the local kid who’s walking home on the same path every day after school. The pedophile likes to hang out at playgrounds, local public swimming pools, or nearby schools. He’s the guy that for whatever reason, just happens to be standing on that same sidewalk every day just as the school bus is letting kids off.

Treating these criminals after they’ve been apprehended has been a point of controversy for some time. Because the vast majority of sex offenders were once victims themselves, some experts believe that these offenders need to receive therapy, re-taught and ultimately, forgiven for their crimes. With proper treatment and counseling, it is believed that they can return to being a productive member of a normal law abiding society.

Others are not as forgiving. They feel as though you only get one chance with being a sex offender, particularly if your crime was committed against a child. This school of thought believes that if you were sick enough to do something this bad, well then you’re probably incurable, and they don’t want you living anywhere near their kids. Not now, not tomorrow, not ever.

The offenders themselves allege that they are being tried and convicted twice for the same crime, and having served their sentence, they should be allowed to resume a normal life without fear of reprisals from the community to which they now belong.

The question remains: what do we do with these guys after they’ve been caught and served their sentence? Do you agree with the policy of posting their names and faces, and having them register as sex offenders? Or should they be left alone to live their life, having “paid their debt” to society?

For information on sex offenders in your area, go to www.sexoffenders.com. You’ll find all the details about the culprits, from where the currently live, to what got them tossed into the slammer to begin with. It even offers a hot line to call in case you notice any suspicious behavior in the neighborhood.





Feature: Local Eats- The Hearsay News takes a look at some local restaurants.

First on the chopping block: The Hi Neighbor

Remember back in the 50’s, how you’d walk into the local “Family Restaurant” and everyone knew your name, knew what you’d like for breakfast, and had the ol’ cupa coffee all set on the counter as you walked in? A place that cooked the best homemade food this side of Mom’s kitchen? Where the meatloaf, mashed potatoes and gravy with creamed peas was one of the best items on the menu? Remember how good those home fries were? I mean grilled to perfection, with fresh onions, yesterday’s boiled potatoes cut up with the peels still on, fried up on the flat griddle, with some delicious bacon or sausage on the side? Or how about a nice open faced roast beef or turkey sandwich with fresh home baked bread and all the fixin’s? Yeah? You like that? Well, you better just hang on to those faded memories folks, cuz this joint comes nowhere close to what you’re now conjuring up in your head.

To be fair, the Hi Neighbor has all the signs of being one of those old fashioned family style restaurants you recall with such fondness. The outside features a way-cool overhanging porch that looks out over the bustling sidewalk, which is one of the best attractions here in Strasburg. Once inside, you’re usually greeted by a friendly enough waitress, who lets you sit wherever you want. They even have a ‘no smoking’ section that’s bigger than the smoking one! (Believe me, this is progress in Strasburg, because 87% of the people aged 12 and older in this town smoke.)

The menu you get handed is one of those scratched up, thick plastic covers placed over a cheap, beat up three page paper. One of those menus where you get the sense it was typed up back in 1975 and hasn’t had a change made to it since. Of course, this adds to the overall charm of the place. The tables are uneven, with old cork beer coasters or wadded up pieces of paper placed under one leg to keep them semi-balanced. The chairs are also old as dirt, though not too uncomfortable. And regulars. I’ve been in this place three times now, and I think I’ve seen the same 6 guys in there, dressed in their ‘Strasburg uniform’ of jeans or coveralls, flannel shirts, heavy boots, and the ubiquitous ball cap displaying their favorite Construction company, Nascar driver, or Tractor on it. Oh yeah, the ‘uniform’ also has to feature one of those big ass wallets with a long chain connected to it. Most of these ‘regulars’ hang out in the smoking section, so I haven’t gotten around to talking with any of them yet.

Despite their pleasant old time charm, these ‘down home’ restaurants are usually known more for their delicious home cooked food, and that’s what I was here to sample. A quick look over the menu indicated that I might be in the right place. They were featuring the ‘roast beef sandwich’ tonight. Of course being the culinary snobs that they are, the kids wanted to try the “chili dogs”, so I quickly asked if they were made with beef franks. “I’ll hafta go check,” our waitress said, and disappeared into the back kitchen.

A few minutes later she was back, proclaiming that yes, these were indeed all beef hot dogs. After a brief discussion about the type of chili, which led us nowhere, they ordered up the dogs, and I ordered the special. Something told me this was going to be one fantastic open faced roast beef sandwich. After a reasonably short wait, our food emerged, and right away, I knew something was wrong. This so- called ‘roast beef’ was not at all what I expected. Grey, fatty and dry, too thin, smothered in a tasteless gravy, this had to be the worst roast beef sandwich I’d ever come across. Even when I had my own apartment and worked as a starving artist, I’d never eaten leftovers this far past their prime. I quickly looked over at the kids’ meals, figuring maybe it was just a bad pick on my part. Well, the dogs they were now busily chomping down into were obviously not beef. In fact, I doubt there was any kind of beef, veal, or even pork thrown into those tubes. I took a bite to check, and sure enough, they were atrocious. Awful. “How can they tell us it was all beef? Can they do that?” asked one of the kids. Still, they were having fun, and we met some other school students who were there having dinner too. I chalked it up to having a bad night. Of course, we vowed never to return, despite the real down -home hospitality displayed by the nice lady taking the money at the door. (Oddly enough, you pay at the door as you leave, making the ‘tipping’ part kind of awkward, unless you turn around and double back to the table.)

A few weeks passed, and I had a hankering for a nice home cooked breakfast. “Let’s go to the “Hi Neighbor” for breakfast, I suggested to my wife, seeing few alternatives. “I thought you said that place sucked” she replied incredulously. True, the dinner we had was butt-awful, “but this is breakfast”, I reasoned with her. “How can anyone screw up breakfast? I mean, it’s eggs fer cryin’ out loud. It’s bacon. It’s toast. How can anyone mess that up?” Yep. Famous last words.

We arrived to the see the same crew of construction workers and hunters assembled as though they’d never left. Don’t these guys ever go home? I thought to myself. We seated ourselves in the no smoking area, and got down to business. I knew I wanted eggs, and ordered them scrambled, just to be sure they wouldn’t/ couldn’t mess that up. I also ordered the sausage and gravy over biscuits, “home fries” and more sausages on the side. Dammit, I was determined to prove this was a worthwhile spot to eat at, if only for the morning meal. The wife ordered eggs over medium, toast and a cup of coffee, which, upon its arrival, she pronounced ‘shitty’. By the way, don’t you just love it when you order eggs with yolks, and they bring out about 10 packets of ‘jelly and jam’ for your toast? Mmmm… sweet jelly mixed with dripping, succulent egg yolks. Gotta love that combination.

Alas, my earlier claim that ‘nobody can screw up eggs’ was to be proven false. Again, I wanted to give them every opportunity to get it right, so I stayed on the safe side and got the scrambled. But what came out on my plate was obviously two eggs carelessly thrown on the grill, chopped once or twice with a spatula, flipped and flattened out. In other words, fried eggs with no yolks. Whatever happened to those light, fluffy yellow puffs of egg, with no crispy burnt particles attached to them? Whoever heard of scrambled eggs with the white and yellow parts so clearly distinguished? The side sausages were not very good either. Arriving smooth skinned and grey, these were most likely the cheapest things available in a 160 mile radius, and not even close to cooked right.

The biscuits and gravy? Well, I’ll be generous and say they were ‘pretty good’. Nothing extraordinary mind you, but compared with the rest of the day’s offerings, lets face it, the competition was not very stiff. By far the worst of the lot however had to be the ‘home fries’. Rule: when you put this item on the menu, you’ve gotta at least start with something resembling potatoes, ok, people? You know what I had served to me? Really crappy, really greasy, really light and airy (not in a good way) ½ inch cubes of potato matter that appeared to have been cut- up french fries in another life. These “things” just flat out sucked, plain and simple. Really, they should take them off the menu, because this ‘food’ item serves absolutely no purpose but to anger or confuse the diner.

After finally returning to see if everything was all right, our friendly and helpful waitress noticed my empty teacup. “Would you like some more water for your teabag?” she asked thoughtfully, soon bringing out a small pot of hot water, with no tea bag. (Don’t want to be giving out those second tea bags, folks. Every penny counts.) Sadly, this teabag was already sapped of all flavor and tea producing elements. I poured the water anyway, as we laughed about our latest “Hi Neighbor” experience.

Perhaps I’m missing something about this place. Maybe they put on a good half roasted chicken dinner on the weekends. Or who knows, maybe I’m just too picky. The Hi Neighbor does a brisk business in town, and obviously has its share of regulars, so they must be doing something right. Oh yeah, and they said they were “voted best food by our customers” in the Bryce Mountain Courier. I suspect its popularity has more to do with the open and friendly small town atmosphere than the fine cuisine though. With very little restaurant competition in town, the bar is really set quite low. Hopefully, we’ll have better culinary experiences to report in our next issue of the Hearsay News, but judging from some of the places in town, I’m afraid to admit that it’s quite doubtful.



The Hi Neighbor Restaurant
120 King Street
Downtown Strasburg, Va
Open for breakfast lunch and dinner.


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Frank’s Italian Restaurant

Who says location is everything? At Frank’s, it’s the food that’s got everyone talking.

When was the last time you dined at a nearby restaurant and enjoyed the food so much, you thought; “now why can’t I find a place this good in my town?” A place where you’re so completely satisfied with your meal, that you just can’t wait to get home and blab to everyone you know, just how good it was.

When I’m looking for a place to eat, I typically don’t concern myself so much with all the extra things like ambience, background music, hand crafted sculptures, majestic waterfalls and world renown artwork gracing the walls. Sure that stuff is nice, and can certainly add to a pleasant dining experience. But ambience and lighting and artwork are all secondary to what brings a customer back to their favorite place again and again. At Frank’s Italian Restaurant, the emphasis is placed exactly where it belongs; on the food.

Owner/ Chef Frank Burriesci has been cooking his homemade recipes for some 35 years, and has an encyclopedic knowledge of over 300 delectable dishes, none of which is written down. He can rattle off the ingredients to any number of recipes and tell you exactly what kind of sherry to use in his exceptional “Fettucine Belvedere”, in order to stand up to the heavy cream. Mr. Burriesci has been at this location for just over 18 months, and business has been picking up considerably, thanks to word of mouth. The menu, though pretty full, is by no means limited to what you see on paper. Though clearly from the old school, Frank is not inflexible. He’s more than willing to prepare a dish the way you want it, though it’s usually not necessary. In fact, neither are the menus for that matter, because whatever he brings out to your table, you’re gonna eat, trust me.

Located in Winchester in a small shopping plaza on Weems Lane, Frank’s Italian Restaurant is not exactly in the middle of the bustling downtown. But the truly special places never are on the most well trodden corridors - you gotta actually work for it. And aside from a few nice paintings and an inexpensive picture of the Leaning Tower of Pisa, fancy amenities are in short supply here. There’s ample parking though, and the dining room is clean and airy, with very little smoke to bother you while you sample the delights brought forth from this little slice of Sicily.

What the place lacks in stylish ambiance, it more than makes up for once that food arrives at your table. And what food it is. A veritable cornicopia of homemade dishes, all beautifully served with a nice touch of basil, fresh grated parmesean, or a sprig of fresh parsley on top.

If it’s pasta you want, you’ve come to the right place. Frank features over 12 pasta dishes alone, not to mention the steaks, generous crab cakes, broiled salmon, seafood, and some of the finest chicken dishes I’ve ever had, bar none. Take for instance, their Pasta Carbonara –perfectly cooked fettuccine, bacon, spanish onions, mushrooms, all combined in a delectable cream sauce. Perfect at $10.95. Did I mention the steak? Don’t show up without an appetite, I’ll just warn you up front. Most places will boast of a 10 ounce ribeye, or a 12 ounce fillet mignon, but once it arrives at your placemat, the poor thing looks like it’s been put on the atkins diet for a few months. Not here. You wanted the big daddy steak? Well, you got it. Folks would be hard pressed to find a more generous portion this side of Oklahoma or Texas. Frank prepares his steak in a succulant mushroom and onion sauce, then places a few of those delicious crab cakes on the side for good measure. If you don’t get your fill after this meal, well then you need to go join the local sumo wrestling team and start wearing a mumu.

Let’s get back to the pasta dishes though, shall we? Aside from the aforementioned Fettucine Belvedere, with shrimp, sautéed onions, mushrooms, tomato fillet & feta cheese, they offer up Chicken Sorrento, Chicken Francaise, and the perennial favorite; Penne ala Mimmo -penne pasta with mushrooms, ham, ground beef and fresh tomatoes. This is a delicious meal, and at $11.95, you’ll have plenty left over for tomorrow’s lunch.

In fact, diners might be surprised at the size of the portions, which range in price from a measly $6.50 for spaghetti and meatballs, (an absolute must for lunch goers) to $18.95 for that monster steak described above. Frank’s Italian Restaurant is open every day but Sunday, from 11 am until around 10 pm. He even offers a catering menu, take out, and special party platters at very reasonable prices.

Frank’s Italian Restaurant
101 Weems Lane, Winchester, VA.
540-662-8004.

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Subway

E. King Street, Strasburg

Let’s face it folks, Subway sucks. I mean it. And anyone who’s actually eaten a good hoagie prepared up in say, New York, New Jersey or Pennsylvania can attest to this fact. But they’re spoiled up there. Where I come from, you can find superior hoagies offered up every couple of blocks.

In fact, it’s difficult to find a bad one. But Subway is another story. Every single one of their hoagies is limp and lame. When you’re building a good sub, you want to use the best ingredients, and you want to use the right ingredients. Mortadela, capicola, hard salami and provalone. There. That’s hoagie. Throw some shredded lettuce on there, a couple of onion slices, some tamata, with the good olive oil and vinegar, and you’re there. And a real sub always starts with the bread. See, you want the folks to try this baby once and go “now that’s a sandwhich!”

After eating at Subway, folks will be making no such claims. This is strictly take out fare for the unthinking masses. The weird thing is, these guys actually think they’re preparing something special, the way they act. For instance, Subway takes a twisted sort of pride in the fact that they bake their own bread. “We make our own bread!” exclaims the big sign proudly on the front window. Well, it’s one thing to bake your own bread, and it’s another to bake bread that’s actually, well, tasty. There’s good and there’s not good. This bread is not good. It’s light, airy and obviously made as cheaply as possible. The meats are all practically indistinguishable from one another. The ‘turkey’ resembles a flat piece of shiny rubber, and ends up tasting like it. The ham and cheese offers more of the same; bland, tasteless drivel. The roast beef sub is just plain lousy.

In a nutshell, if you’re looking for a good quality hoagie, the kind you might find up in New York, Jersey or Pennsylvania, this isn’t the place for you. On the other hand, if you’re just looking to stuff that trap full of indistinquishable food, then get on with your day, you might want to try Burger King up the road. At least they don’t make pretentious claims about baking their own bread and helping us to lose weight eating their crappy food.

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Paisanno’s La Cucina Italiano

You want good pizza? Get in the car and drive down to the Walmart shopping center in Woodstock. No, I’m not suggesting you now get your pizza at the ‘all things for all people’ store. Believe me, they’ve got enough of a hold on the consumer’s pocketbooks to be taking away the pizza man’s business too. I’m sure in the future, Walmart will be trying to cut into that market as well, but for now, thank god we’ve got places like Piasano’s. This place is the real deal folks. Owner Sal has been making pizza and Italian dishes for over 15 years, and he knows the score.

Some of the absolute best white pizza I’ve ever had can be found here. Broccoli, fresh tomato, garlic, riccota and mozzarella cheeses come together for the perfect blend on this clear favorite. And the plain red (cheese, no toppings) pizza is just as good. They also offer up some of the more unusual combinations such as the ‘puttanesca pizza’, with mushrooms, capers, black olives, onions and spicy sauce. Or the delicious ‘rustica’ pizza featuring sun dried tomato, eggplant, fresh mozzarella, bacon and ham.

Paisanno’s also offers up a bevy of freshly prepared pasta dishes, and the specials are always worth a look. In fact, some of the best I had the most amazing pasta with salmon in pink sauce while I was there, and it was absolutely sensational. Same goes for the spaghetti with sausage and meatballs. In addition, Sal offers a nice, if a bit limited, selection of wines to enjoy with your meal.

Whether it’s gnocci, tortellini, lasagne, fettuccine or ravioli, Paisano’s has the right pasta dish for you. In addition to their many pasta, chicken and veal recipes, Sal offers up some truly delectable seafood dishes. The ‘Posillipo’ brings mussels, clams, shrimp and squid together in a beautiful medley of seafood delights served over perfectly cooked linguini.

Paisano’s has an extensive lunch menu to choose from, with over 15 different subs -both hot and cold -to choose from. They also have a sensational steak stromboli, as well as other Italian favorites such as calzones, eggplant parmigiana, antipastos, and a variety of garden salads and appetizers to tempt the palate. If you want a break from the usual Pizza Hut/ Domino’s/ insert pizza delivery chain here, then head on down to Paisano’s in Woodstock for a real treat. You’ll be glad you did.

Paisano’s La Cucino Italiano
In the Walmart Shopping Center
483 W. Reservoir Road
Woodstock, VA 22664
540-459-8756
Open every day from 10:30 am - 10 pm
Open ‘til 11 pm on weekends.


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Jalisco Mexican Restaurant

See, now you’re talkin’. When I want Mexican food, I want it served by real Mexicans, who barely speak English, and who scurry to your table every two minutes to refill your water glass and take away any empty beer bottles or tortilla bowls, quickly replacing them with another. The food’s gotta be fresh, hot and quick. Jalisco’s got all the bases covered. They’ve got four different locations, so the chances of you finding one in and around the Shenandoah Valley are pretty decent.

The first thing you notice is the pleasant Mexican music being played in the background. I swear, if I have to eat at another restaurant that insists on blasting out that damn “today’s new country hits” radio in the background, I’m gonna flip my lid! Folks, you’re not doing us a service by playing those crappy little cookie cutter tunes they crank out of Nashville every thirty seconds, so do us all a favor and put in some mellower stuff. Or better still, play some authentic music from your home country. (Italian, Chinese, Afghani, Mexican, whatever!)

Upon being seated, the waiter brings you a big bowl of freshly made, still warm tortilla chips and a mini carafe or two of some delicious home made salsa. This isn’t that chunky style stuff you buy in stores either. It’s finely chopped, so you don’t have those large chunks of tomato and onion and pepper to contend with. But don’t worry, it’s all tossed in there, along with a generous helping of cilantro to give it that delicious flavor.

At Jalisco, the menus are so large, one can easily become overwhelmed. They feature many different lunch and dinner combinations, along with some specialty dishes that are slightly off the beaten path, such as the ***pork Jalisco with sun dried tomatoes. If you stick with the basics, you will not be disappointed. For instance, the beef burrito, in and of itself is enough for a nice light lunch. Order it with beans, rice, guacamole, cheese, salsa and sour cream and you’ve got yourself a meal. Or take advantage of one of their many combinations. Two enchaladas, one taco and one burrito. Yeah..now that's the ticket!

Jalisco's Mexican Restaurant
Locations in Front Royal, Harrisonburg and New Market

All letters should be addressed to the editor and sent to p.o. box 11, Strasburg, VA 22657 or email us at SHN@hotmail.com.


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